We all have recurring dreams--periodic images form our sleep that our mind may employ to help resolve tough or emotional situations in our lives. Rest assured I won’t blog about running down the middle of the highway in skivvies. I shudder just thinking about that. :-)
In my recurring dream, I’m back in college during finals and I’m facing a math test I need to pass in order to graduate. The only problem is I haven’t attended a single class all semester. From there the dream takes on two distinct flavors. I’m either sitting in the classroom staring at the test, knowing I’m going to fail, or I’m running across campus, totally lost and unable to find the classroom. I know, I’m a sick puppy, huh?
I’m not a trained psychologist, but in my life, in my personal circumstances, the meaning is clear. I’ve dealt with insecurities and fear of failure my entire life. The insecurities recently mounted with the publication of my mid-grade fantasy novel, Whispers from Forbidden Earth, now available in eBook on Amazon (YEA!!!). Thoughts of “what am I doing here” and “I don’t belong” kept swirling around in my mind.
BUT! But, but, but . . . CNN had a recent slideshow/article that offered me such a feeling of hope:
I was intrigued and encouraged reading quotes like –
“Even though I had sold 70 million records, there was this feeling like, I'm not good at this.” -- Jennifer Lopez
"I get insecure about everything. I'm still bewildered when people know my name or my face. I can't figure out what they would possibly want to talk to me for." --Anna Kendrick
“I had an existential crisis at the Oscars, sitting next to Sean Penn and Meryl Streep and being like, 'What am I doing here? I don't belong here,'" --Amy Adams
Kind of silly, but what a relief. I’m not the only one! I’m not alone! Despite their insecurities, these stars reached the top of their profession. They followed their dream despite their anxieties. For me, Whispers from Forbidden Earth is finally out. I authored a novel, something many dream of but never accomplish. Then I found a publisher who believed in my story enough to send it out for the world to see. I did it and I’m moving forward. Now let’s see what the future holds.
Maybe I do belong after all.
Here's the link to my book. Let me know what you think --Mark